Odešel k milence a teď se chce vrátit
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Je mi skoro padesát let, manžel je o čtyři roky starší. Vychovali jsme dvě děti, které už žijí samostatně. V manželství nám to vždycky klapalo, kromě nějakých běžných menších rozmíšek jsme nikdy žádné větší problémy neřešili. Když děti vylétly z hnízda, začali jsme si víc užívat sami dva – výlety, večeře, kultura. Bylo to moc fajn, najednou jsem si připadala jako za svobodna.
Bohužel tato idylka trvala jen asi rok. Pak se najednou manžel začal od mne odtahovat, z práce chodil čím dál později, pak přibyly „pracovní víkendy“ a mně začalo být vše jasné. Došlo mi, že se objevila jiná žena.
Strašně jsem se trápila, ale nechtěla jsem zahodit tolik let společného života, utěšovala jsem se, že je to jen nějaké poblouznění a brzy ho to přejde. Ano, opravdu jsem tehdy byla ochotná to překousnout, kdyby to ukončil. Jenže on to neukončil, naopak. Jednoho dne mi oznámil, že se zamiloval a už nedokáže žít dvojí život, chce se odstěhovat.
Byl to šok. Nemohla jsem tomu uvěřit, že by všechno, co mezi námi bylo, dokázal takhle spláchnout. Plakala jsem, prosila, aby neodcházel. Pyšná na sebe nejsem, že jsem se dokázala takhle ponižovat. Stejně mi to k ničemu nebylo. Sbalil se a odstěhoval. Čekala jsem, kdy mi přijde žádost o rozvod, sama jsem ji nepodávala. Chtěla jsem to nechat na něm. Ale nic takového nepřišlo. Jen jsme se dohodli ohledně majetku, já zůstala v našem bytě a on si nechal auto a chatu. Bylo mi to jedno, sama bych tam stejně nejezdila.
Následovalo období, kdy mi bylo hodně ouvej, připadala jsem si jako odložená, nepotřebná věc, která už dosloužila a k ničemu se už nehodí. Postupem času jsem si začala zvykat a najela svůj vlastní režim a docela to šlo. Pak přišel Covid a já skončila na home office. To bylo krušné. Byla jsem ve svém bytě jako vězeň na Bezděze. Občas přišly na návštěvu děti, ale snažili jsme se dodržovat opatření a pro jistotu se moc nestýkali.
No a Teď, skoro po dvou a půl letech, se mi manžel ozval. Nejdřív začal nenápadně, jak se mám, jestli jsem zdravá, pak se opatrně zeptal, jestli jsem sama, nebo někoho mám. Po pravdě jsem mu odpověděla, že jsem sama a dodala jsem, že mi to tak vyhovuje.
Už to zkrátím: Po pár dalších telefonátech z něj vypadlo, že by se ke mně rád vrátil. Nasypal si popel na hlavu, prý byl úplně zblázněný a teď mu došlo, co ve mně ztratil. Prosí mě o odpuštění, že mi tak ublížil.
A já nevím, co teď. Jsem někde na půl cesty mezi ano a ne. Pořád ho mám ráda, dovedu si představit, že bychom byli zase spolu. Co si ale představit nedovedu je, jak dokážu tuhle jeho zradu překousnout. Myslím, že to ve mně už pořád bude a logicky to poznamená i naše případné další soužití.
Co myslíte? Je možné se přes něco takového přenést, udělat tlustou čáru a začít znovu? Zažila jste některá něco podobného?
31.5.2021 Rubrika: | Komentářů 42 | Vytisknout
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