Opustit nemocného manžela? Je mi strašně.
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Řeším hodně nepříjemné dilema. Jsem vdaná pětatřicet let, děti máme už samostatné a zůstali jsme s manželem sami dva. Všechno bylo v pořádku, klapalo nám to, fungovali jsme asi jako většina párů v dlouholetém svazku.
Všechno se změnilo před třemi lety, kdy měl manžel autonehodu. Bylo to opravdu strašné, nikomu bych nepřála něco takového zažít. Měl mnohočetná poranění, bohužel i zcela zásadní. Každý den jsem se doslova modlila, aby hlavně přežil. To se naštěstí splnilo. Bohužel, autonehoda nezůstala bez následků.
Z manžela se stal invalida. Je ochrnutý na celou dolní polovinu těla. Absolvoval spoustu rehabilitačních pobytů, ale jeho stav to nijak nezlepšilo. Je mu 58 let a strašně těžce svůj stav nese. Je plně odkázaný na mou péči plus k nám dochází ještě pečovatelka, když jsem v práci. On bojkotuje jakékoli snahy o získání alespoň částečné samostatnosti.
S postupujícím časem je to pro mne čím dál větší peklo. Je nepříjemný, dalo by se říct až zlý. Neustále mě sekýruje, vyčítá mi každou hloupost, vymýšlí si s jídlem, jako malé dítě. Já chodím do práce, doma je všechno na mně a ještě se starám o něj, večerní hygiena, všechno až pod nos, dělám mu doslova poskoka, i když by řadu věcí mohl zvládnout sám, kdyby jenom trochu chtěl.
Strašně mě to zmáhá, někdy už nemůžu, kolikrát se mi ani nechce chodit z práce domů, když vím, co mě tam čeká. Snažím se být trpělivá, vím a uvědomuju si, že je to především on, kdo má velký problém a komu se život otočil naruby. Ale nějak mi docházejí síly. Já jsem přece taky člověk, je mi pětapadesát, teď se nám narodilo první vnouče a on žárlí i na to miminko, když se u mladých občas zastavím. Sám se mnou ale jezdit nechce, dle jeho slov odmítá dělat lidem divadlo a promenádovat se venku na vozíku.
Mluvila jsem s ním snad stokrát, prosila, vysvětlovala, vyhrožovala. K ničemu. On si jede dál svou sebelítostivou mantru a má pocit, že moje povinnost je o všechno se postarat a všechno snést. Už pro mě nemá ani vlídné slovo, nepoprosí, nepoděkuje, je neustále negativně naladěný, zamračený. S návrhem na návštěvu psychologa mě poslal… asi víte kam.
Je mi hrozně, chtěla bych z tohohle všeho utéct a zase vydechnout a začít žít. Brzdí mě výčitky vůči němu, představa, že bych ho měla opustit a nechat v tomhle stavu samotného, je příšerná. Já opravu nevím, má moje situace nějaké řešení? Nenapadá vás něco? Mně by opravdu nevadilo, že je na vozíku a musím se o všechno i o něj postarat, jen kdyby se ke mně choval alespoň trochu vlídně.
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